


Soon

by SkyWasMadeofAmethyst



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, Fear, Loneliness, Love, Marriage, Miscarriage, Missing You, Parenthood, Touring, Worries, feeling torn, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 05:00:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17380061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst/pseuds/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst
Summary: Dan has always known he wanted to be a Rockstar. No one told him that living his dream meant leaving the ones he loved behind. A late night phone call brings out some emotions between Dan and you.





	Soon

**Author's Note:**

> I know some people are shying away from Dan/you fics now that Dan is openly dating someone. I am so happy for Dan and am doing my best to respect him as I always have. I have made my own boundaries when it comes to writing these fics. I will never include any mention of Dan's girlfriend in my writing. I will not mention any details he shares with us about his current relationship. I will let his private life stay out of my fics. 
> 
> I am going to continue to write fics unless Dan ever expresses that he'd like us to stop doing so. I will do my best to respect his boundaries as I have always tried to do. This is all a work of fiction. I will treat this as a work of fiction knowing that it is only being written and shared for entertainment purposes.
> 
> I mean zero disrespect to Dan or his girlfriend. I respect Dan so much and he is such an inspiration to me as a person. I wish him so much joy in his relationship and fully support those two crazy kids in whatever the future brings them. 
> 
> That's all I will say about this. 
> 
> .............

Danny had always known that he wanted to be a Rockstar. Even from an early age Dan had known just what path his life was going to take.

From the second Dan had his first taste of music he had known without a single doubt that he wanted music to be in his life forever.

He’d been just a small child then; sitting up in front of a radio with an old pair of massive headphones over his tiny ears, just allowing the music to take him away.

He’d listened to every station he could find, but his favorite had always been the rock station. Something about the beat of the music had entangled itself around the young impressionable boy and never let him go.

Music had Dan’s heart right from the start.

Dedicating his life to music hadn’t been an easy task.

Dan’s father Avi hadn’t believed that music would provide Dan with a stable future. Dan had resented it at the time, but as Dan had grown older and matured, he had come to understand his father. He had come to understand that Avi’s refusal to pay for Dan to pursue a music degree had only been born out of the desire to protect Dan. Avi had been afraid for Dan. He had worried for his son’s future. He wanted Dan to have a safe stable career that would always enable Dan to take care of himself. Music wasn’t safe.

Dan had decided to please his father had had pursued an advertising degree. Although he’d graduated the entire experience had been so miserable.

He’d been so turned off by the entire experience and the entire concept behind advertising that he’d sworn to himself that he’d never pursue a career in his degree.

After getting his degree Dan had decided to dedicate his life to music.

It had been easier said than done. He had spent over a decade scraping by fighting for a chance to make his music dreams come true.

He’d failed. He had failed more often than he’d succeeded.

Eventually he’d found his place though. His success had come in a place where he had least expected.

If someone had told him back when he was twenty that his career would one day revolve around an internet show called Game Grumps and a band called Ninja Sex Party, Dan probably would have assumed the pot he was smoking was laced with something.

Life was strange though. Sometimes you found success and joy where you least suspected it.

He was finally living his Rockstar dreams, but no one had warned him about the downside to living those dreams.

No one told him that his dream meant months in recording studios and months on the road; time away from loved ones.

At first it had been easy for Dan to handle; the hectic chaos of his life, the constant movement, the constant change, the time spent away from the people he loved.

The past few years something had changed for Dan though. Now all the concerts and the cheers of the crowds and the beat of the music wasn’t enough to keep his heart full.

Music was still in possession of his heart, but it seemed as though his heart had grown. Changes in his life had meant that the things within his heart had shifted.

The changes hadn’t been too drastic, not at first.

The changes in Dan’s heart had started with you.

You’d met at work; well your work.

Dan had tagged along on an errand with Arin the younger man looking for a birthday gift for Suzy. Dan had decided that he might as well join Arin in checking out this shop Arin was so excited about.

Though Dan could admit he’d only gone with Arin because his friend had promised him that this shop was supposed to have a small selection of dinosaur teeth and fossils for sale.

Dan’s love for dinosaurs had inspired Dan to spend his lunch break with Arin downtown checking out this shop.

The oddity and antique shop Arin had chosen to go to had you working behind the counter. The shop was a family business owned by your brother passed on from your father and his father before that.

The business of course hadn’t started out as an oddity and antique shop. Back when your grandfather had first opened the place it had dealt in costumes and props meant for the theater and small b-movies.

Time hadn’t been kind to the business though. It had been struggling and desperate for a change.

Your brother had been the one who had taken the business in a different direction. It had been an eccentric move, one that your father had been wary of. It had worked though. Somehow your brother’s strange idea had proven to be successful.

You had plenty of clients and your once struggling family business had been reborn.

You’d noticed Dan right from the start. You’d thought he was kind of cute in a nerdy kind of way. He wasn’t your usual type, but there was something about him that had drug you in right from the start. Dan had an unmistakable charisma to him that made people want to be around him.

He’d been wearing his usual choice of ripped jeans and dorky athletic sneakers. You could remember thinking that his poor jeans looked as though they were seconds from deteriorating. The blue jeans looked like they’d rip if he moved a little too fast.

You’d quickly noticed the Cowboy Bebop t-shirt Dan had been wearing amusingly thinking to yourself that if your brother was there that day, he’d freak out considering he was a giant Cowboy Bebop fanboy.

Dan’s eyes had met yours and he’d give you a sweet little smile. You’d fallen for him after one little smile. He almost had a sweet boyish charm to him. That wide smile and those shaggy curls had captured your heart right from the start.

Dan had stood by a bit entranced with you as he watched you help Arin go through the taxidermy collection searching for the perfect gift for his Suzy. 

The attraction between Dan and you had been evident from the start. There had been more than a little blatant flirting between you both as Arin searched for the perfect gift.

Dan had held back the desire to bite the bullet and ask you out on a date though. It just seemed too sleezy to him; hitting on you while you were at work. It didn’t seem appropriate to him.

The attraction might be there but it was the wrong place and the wrong time to pursue anything.

Dan had reluctantly left the shop once Arin had found the perfect gift. Dan had silently soothed any disappointment he might feel by telling himself that if he ever saw you again outside of your job then he would take a chance and ask you out.

To be honest Dan hadn’t ever really believed he’d see you again, not outside of the shop you worked at, the shop he couldn’t ask you out in.

Apparently, fate had been on his side though. He’d stopped at a coffee shop to grab a cup of tea on his way into work when he’d recognized a familiar face ordering a latte at the register beside him.

You’d connected your eyes with his a sweet smile crossing your lips it clear that you recognized him.

The attraction had still been there and Dan hadn’t missed his chance to ask you out relieved that you’d gleefully accepted.

That had been all it had taken really. Your relationship had blossomed effortlessly. You’d quickly discovered that you had quite a bit in common passed the initial attraction you’d felt towards one another.

You had found a home in Dan’s heart and he’d happily allowed it.

At the beginning of your relationship Dan and you had managed to find a balance between your time together and your careers.

At first the tours had been easy. Dan and you had coped with the time apart. You’d shared a teary goodbye the day he left LA, but you’d endured the separation. After all you’d both had a life before meeting each other so, you could both cope with having to live life while being apart for a short while.

Of course, Dan had missed you. He’d openly admitted to you that it felt as though a part of his heart had been left behind in Los Angeles. You’d admitted that you felt as though a chunk of your heart was there with him.

You’d managed to work through the loneliness. Facetime calls, text messages, and good old-fashioned phone calls had helped ease the heartache being apart had caused.

When you’d reunited, you’d shown one another just how much you missed each other.

This way of coping had worked for you both. You’d made things work. You’d been comfortable with your methods of coping with the time you were forced to be apart and rejoicing in the time you had together.

You’d been almost three years into your relationship, and newly wedded, so happy together when things had changed.

Dan laid back in his lumpy hotel bed staring down at his phone looking at the reason things had changed; the reason his heart ached so much as sat here alone in a hotel room so far from his home, so far from his heart.

Dan felt his heart ache as he stared down at the photo you had taken on Dan’s phone a few days before he left for tour; your baby girl fast asleep resting against Dan’s chest her little fist curled around the cotton fabric of his NY Giants t-shirt.

She was so attached to Dan. She was his little princess.

The pregnancy had been a shock. You hadn’t been planning to start a family just yet, but your little girl had changed Dan’s and your world for the better.

Estelle Elizabeth Avidan had been born too early at 32 weeks. She’d been so tiny; so fragile. Dan had stared down at his newborn daughter fighting the desire to gather her up in his arms and try to protect her.

He knew that he had been so unable to protect her. He’d felt so useless. He just wanted to fix it all. He was her father. He was supposed to be able to fix it. He knew that it had been so beyond his control and he’d been so frustrated.

She was so tiny and so at risk of infection. She’d spent her time in the neonatal unit in an incubator to keep her warm. She’d needed to gain weight before the doctors would allow Dan and you to take her home where she belonged.

She was so tiny and so unable to even maintain her own body temperature.

She was so strong though. Dan could sense it as he stared down at her. He had spent as much time as possible sat in a rocking chair by the incubator singing to his daughter in a low sweet voice.

Dan had found himself bouncing back and forth between your bed and the neonatal unit; so determined to keep an eye on both of you as you were both nursed back to health.

His parents had urged him to take a break but he refused. They’d made an emergency trip down from New Jersey.

Not even Avi and Debbie’s presence could convince Dan to take a break though.

He’d exhausted himself refusing to get much sleep wanting to dedicate as many of his waking moment to his girls as possible. He’d refused to take a break until you’d called in for reinforcements calling Arin and Suzy to both come and talk Dan into going home and fetching a shower.

It had taken Arin reassuring Dan that Suzy and Arin could stay with you while Dan’s mother took up patrol of the nursery and Avi took Dan home for a shower and a nap.

He’d relented unenthusiastically allowing his father to take him home for a few hours. Even the break hadn’t stopped him from obsessing. You had been sure he was going to fall asleep standing the longer he kept going.

It had taken twelve long days for your daughter to be strong enough for Dan and you to take her home with you.

Needless to say, you hadn’t gotten much sleep since then but it was all worth it.

You hadn’t been shocked that Estelle was born early. The pregnancy had been hard on you but Dan and you had both agreed you’d go through it all again and again if it meant bringing your daughter into this world.

Estelle hadn’t been your first pregnancy. Almost a year into your relationship with Dan you’d found out you were pregnant.

You hadn’t been trying and Dan had panicked quite a bit. He’d managed to shove aside that panic and step up though. He’d managed to promise you that you’d work through it, that you’d remain by one another’s sides.

The pregnancy had ended as quickly as it started. It had ended all so suddenly.

You’d woken in the night blood pooling between your thighs.

Dan had rushed you to the hospital but it had been too late.

Dan had felt robbed. He’d just found out about your pregnancy and though he’d been terrified he’d loved you so much; loved the family you were going to have together.

That family had been ripped from you so cruelly.

The doctors had said that there was nothing you could have done to have prevented the miscarriage. It happened to plenty of women.

Still it had been like a knife to Dan’s heart.

It hadn’t been easy to cope through the loss. You’d leaned on one another as you mourned the loss.

You’d managed to survive the heartache.

When you’d found out you were expecting again Dan had been terrified.

He’d driven you a bit nuts hovering over you, fretting over you.

Your baby girl had been the result of months of worry between you both.

Eight months had gone by since Estelle had entered this world and Dan couldn’t imagine his life without her.

Estelle entering this world had changed things for Dan.

He had always heard that being a parent changed everything but he hadn’t realized just how true that was until he’d become a father.

This was his first tour away from his little girl. This was the first time he’d been away from her period.

Dan hated every second of it.

He could admit he’d turned to Brian for guidance. Brian was the only other father Dan knew aside from his own dad. Dan wasn’t sure that Avi could relate to the separation of a tour quite the same way Brian could. Brian had been through this with Audrey. Brian had to know how it felt.

Dan could remember how miserable he felt as he broached the subject with Brian earlier today as the bus had stopped at a truck stop to refuel. “Does it ever get better, being apart from your kid? I mean…being away from Audrey…Does it ever feel easier?”

Dan had cringed at his own question. He had a feeling he already knew the answer. Of course, it didn’t get easier.

Brian had given him a tight sad smile shaking his head wishing he could provide Dan with some good news, but he knew his answer would provide Dan no comfort.

“No…it doesn’t. It get’s harder the older they get. When they start getting older, they start being aware that you aren’t there. They start asking you when you’re going to be home in every phone conversation. I wish I could tell you that you learn to live with it and that it doesn’t always hurt, but I’d be lying to you.”

Dan had tried not to crumble at these words his heart hurting so much at the thought of Estelle ever missing him; ever asking him where he was, asking why he wasn’t with her mom and her.

What would he say to all those questions? How would he explain it in a way she’d understand?

He hated to think that the older his baby girl grew the worst the pain in his heart and soul would feel. 

Dan felt his heart clinch resisting the urge to cry at the memory of this conversation and how miserable it had made him feel.

He took a deep shaky breath knowing he needed to fall asleep soon. He had an early day tomorrow. He needed the sleep.

His brain was just so filled with thoughts and worries though. He couldn’t force himself to relax. He couldn’t force his brain to shut up and allow him rest.

He knew if you could see him now, you’d probably scold him. You’d give him that look the one he’d coined the “mom” look. The look where you gave him a knowing little smile and knew exactly what to say to him. You’d perfected the mom look and intuition since becoming a parent.

You’d stare at him a soft sigh leaving your lips as you spotted his worried form. He could almost imagine the words you’d say to him. “Go to sleep Danny, please babe. You need sleep. You won’t be able to function if you don’t get rest.”

He felt his heart ache missing you so much right now. He would give anything to have you right here by his side gently scolding him, playfully reminding him that human beings needed sleep to function normally.

Sleeping without you in his arms was harder than he wanted to admit. He found himself snuggling a pillow wishing it was your soft warm body. You always snuggled up to him at night; so close so secure in his arms.

He let out a sigh running a hand through his messy curls trying to shove back just how much he missed his family.

No one had told him that being a Rockstar would also mean he had to leave behind two huge chunks of his heart for months at a time.

He stared down at the clock on his cell spotting a blinding white one am staring back up at him.

He gnawed at the inside of his cheek his heart screaming out for you.

He gave in pulling up his contacts giving in to his desire to hear your voice to see your face on his screen; to let you soothe his heartache.

He knew you wouldn’t care how late it was. If he needed you then you’d want him to call.

You picked up after two rings your face coming into view on the Facetime call. You gave Dan a drowsy smile he weakly returning it relieved to see you hadn’t gone to bed yet.

You were wearing your pjs but you were clearly in the living room the dark blue kimono Dan had bought you last holiday draped over your body. He could clearly spot one of his t-shirts under the kimono it clear that you’d been coping with his absence by sleeping in his t-shirts. “Baby.”

He smiled his voice weak his heart lifting slightly at the sight of you. “Hey.”

Your smile faded as you spotted the distress in his eyes. “Talk to me Danny what’s wrong.”

Dan let out a shaky second guessing himself. What if his heartache only succeeded in making you miserable? You’d probably missed him just as much as he missed you.

“It’s so late…I shouldn’t have called so late.”

You shook your head a sigh leaving your lips. “I don’t care how late it is Danny. Talk to me honey.”

Dan let out a sigh his eyes watering despite his desire to remain strong for you; to hold back the need to break down. “I just miss you so much. I miss you both so much.”

You felt your heart crack at the despair in your husband’s voice. Your sweet gentle Dan. You had known he was struggling. He had seemed so low the past few times you’d spoken. “I miss you too baby.”

He let out another shaky sigh shaking his head as he spoke spilling a bit of his heart to you. “I hate this…this isn’t fun. I’m fine during the day, when I’m busy, but the second I’m alone I can’t think of anything other than how much I miss you and my Little Star. I love being on stage…I love the fans, I love the music and the adrenaline rush I get from performing…my heart hurts though. I hate being away from you. I’m so torn. I want to be here doing what I love but I want to be home with who I love.”

You gave him a weak smile Dan’s nickname for your daughter always filling you with joy even if he was saying it in the middle of heartbreak. You felt your own eyes begin to water as you took in his words. “Oh Danny, we miss you too baby. It’s okay to feel torn. You love your career. You love us too. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. Just keep thinking about next month. You’ll be home next month, right.”

Dan let out a sigh knowing that he was due to come home mid next month. He had plans to stay long enough to celebrate Estelle’s first birthday before he’d be due to leave again. “I know…I keep thinking about how much I want to be there now though.”

You gave him another weak smile soothing him resisting the urge to tell him how much you wanted him here too. He needed your reassurance. You couldn’t give into you own loneliness. “I know. Soon, honey, soon we’ll be together again.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat trying to tell yourself the same thing. Being apart sucked. You knew what Dan’s career involved though. You’d known what he did for a living when he’d asked you to make things official.

You were so proud of him; proud of his career. You’d loved that he was able to do something he was so passionate about. You loved the look of absolute joy on his face when he talked about music.

His career was so important to him. You’d always promised him you’d support him.

You refused to give into dwelling in how miserable being apart felt.

Dan took a deep breath allowing more of his heart to spill. “I keep having nightmares. I dream that I come home and hold Estelle and she just screams. I can’t get her stop crying no matter how hard I try and it hurts so much.”

He paused shaking his head as he continued to explain himself. “I wake up and feel so sick. I’m her dad…I’m supposed to be able to soothe her. I know it’s just a dream, but it still hurts so much. When I’m awake my brain just wanders and all I can think about is how many moments I’m missing. When Brian talks about Audrey…about how she’s growing…he said these early years are the formative years. I feel like I’m missing so much and it’s so frustrating. I keep thinking about all the milestones I risk missing and I can’t stand it. Estelle was still crawling when I left…she was so quick and we thought she’d walk any second…but that video you sent a couple of days ago, she’s standing with help. She’s going to be walking soon. She’s already so close to doing it …what if she starts walking before I make it back home… what if I miss it?”

You felt your eyes water at his words. You could admit some of his fears were reflective of your own fears. You didn’t want him to miss a thing. “Oh baby. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. I wish I could find the words to make everything feel okay.”

Dan spoke a whine leaving his lips. “I hate this.”

“I know baby. I hate it too, but it’s going to be okay. We can figure something out. Some way to make sure you don’t miss a moment.” You reassured him silently searching for the solution to Dan’s worries.

You knew he would leave again shortly after Estelle’s birthday to finish up the last leg of the tour. It would only take a few weeks, but still.

It was almost funny a few weeks hadn’t felt like it was too terribly long when it had just been Dan and you. Now things seemed so complicated.

You spoke offering the only solution you had. “I promise if she walks before you get here, I’ll film it…I’ll tell the daycare to film it if I’m not there to do it.”

Dan felt his heart twist knowing that it wasn’t his ideal solution but it was the best you could offer.

You managed to speak wanting to cheer him up, needing to see him smile. “She misses you too you know? The last time you facetimed with us she smiled the second she saw your face.”

Dan let out a soft laugh his heart lifting at the memory. “She smiled and started babbling so loudly…I thought she was going to say it.”

You chuckled knowing she’d been resisting to say Daddy so far despite Dan’s attempts to encourage her to say her first words. She was still stuck in babbling trying to make sense of sounds, trying to learn how to string it all together the way she should.

You spoke needing to say the words. “You know no matter what happens….no matter how long this tour keeps you away, she won’t stop smiling when she sees your face.”

Dan felt a genuine smile cross his own lips as he spoke. “And I won’t stop smiling either.”

He cleared his throat his voice soft almost hesitant. “Can I see her…I won’t wake her…I just want to see that she’s sleeping well…that she’s okay. I need to see it before I go to sleep tonight.”

You nodded your head making your way upstairs to the nursery which Dan had so lovingly put together wanting his daughter to have the perfect fairy tale themed nursery filled with soft pinks and unicorns and castles.

You turned on a lamp giving the room enough of a glow for Dan to see as you turned the phone screen allowing him to gaze down into the crib.

Dan felt the smile cross his lips the pain in his heart lifting all the more as he studied his sleeping daughter. She was still so tiny. She was the perfect mixture of you both. She already had a head filled with dark hair that Dan had wondered rather she’d inherit his curls. She had his eyes and his ears as well as his smile.

She was perfect. He was sure he’d never see anything more beautiful.

You stood in silence for a long moment letting Dan sink the moment in, letting the sight of your daughter soothe him.

Dan finally spoke his voice soft. “I love you my little star.”

He spoke again his voice still soft. “Okay….I think I’m good.”

You managed to move quietly shutting off the light and sliding the door shut behind you. She was finally sleeping through most of the night. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin that sleep schedule.

You walked into Dan’s and your bedroom dropping down on to the foot of the bed your heart swelling with joy when you noticed the tears in his eyes were ones of joy instead of sorrow.

He spoke wishing he could take you in his arms right now. Soon, he reminded himself, he’d hold you soon. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You replied watching his body begin to relax the act of expressing his fears and seeing his daughter obviously soothing him allowing the tension to leave him.

You spoke hating to say the words. “You should get some sleep. I will call you first thing tomorrow…as soon as I drop Estelle off at daycare.”

Dan sighed wanting to argue with you, wanting a few moments longer to soak up the sight of you. Soon, he reminded himself once again, soon.

“I know…I don’t want to say goodnight.”

You gave him a soft smile nodding your head in agreement. “I know, me either. Let’s make it a see you in a few hours then.”

Dan let a weak laugh leave his throat your suggestion feeling a little less miserable. “Okay….I love you.”

“I love you too.” You replied not shocked as he spoke again requesting something he’d asked for many nights before.

“Please stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep…I just want to pretend you’re here with me…just for a little bit.”

You nodded your head familiar with this act. “Okay lie down and close your eyes then. I’ll be right here. You go to sleep and we’ll see each other in a few hours.”

Dan sighed reluctantly doing what you asked of him. He knew this was the only way he was going to get any sleep tonight.

He rested against the pillows wishing he was at home in you California King instead a cramped Queen bed with a lumpy mattress.

He watched you for as long as he could resisting the desire to close his eyes but the day was catching up with him and the emotional moment he’d had was making him sleepier and sleepier.

You spoke a gentle promise leaving your lips as you watched him drift off. “We’ll see each other soon.”

“Yeah soon.” Dan murmured as he reluctantly allowed himself to drift off.

You sighed reluctant to end the call, but you forced yourself to do so.

You fell back on the bed saying the same words to yourself. “We’ll see each other soon.”

Soon couldn’t come soon enough.


End file.
